This is written with the permission of my daughter.

A moral dilemma for sure: to take trash people leave on the street for the garbage man to throw in a landfill?

Amy, my oldest, called me a couple of weeks ago and says, “Mom! You won’t believe what I found! I’m gonna send you some photos!” So my mind goes to awesome! She’s found a job?! Or she’s found someone’s checkbook and returned it to them? Or maybe she’s found a winning lottery ticket? Suddenly my phone starts dinging and here pops up a pic of a beautiful piece of furniture, a chest, that she’s found. A painting of a lovely landscape with a meadow. A lamp. A suitcase. Dare I ask where she has found these items? This is the kid that keeps my hair grey. “Mom, you wouldn’t believe what rich people throw away! I found all this stuff on trash day in the rich part of town!”

Oh dear Lord!! And so I launch into my litany of ethics and moral code to which she says it is not stealing if it’s sitting on the side of the road on trash day. She proceeded to describe the entire scenario complete with she barely beat the garbage truck to she had a suitcase in the baby’s lap and Selena was holding a lamp all the way home. Folks I do love my daughter. I truly do. But there are days when I scratch my head. What is this teaching my grandchildren because God knows this grown kid is a lost cause, right? (Said jokingly and with affection of course!)

Unfortunately, growing up well to do and then falling on hard times with the loss of her husbands job has had an impact that none of us could have predicted. The financial struggle they’ve faced the past year has been humbling. There have been days where she didn’t eat because she needed food for the kids. When all the kids in kindergarten can afford the school lunch, Selena is getting half a peanut butter sandwich for lunch wishing she could have the chicken nuggets like her friends. When moms are putting their kids in dance and cheer and horseback riding class, Selena can’t. I could go on but then you’d think this story is a pity party to which I would have to say au contraire.

This is the truth … and it’s beautiful. When my daughter has developed panic attics, debilitating anxiety and agoraphobia from all of the dramatic life changes in the past two years, what has happened is her husband has stepped up to the plate with love and support by taking the kids to do free things … the park, laughing and giggling and getting soaking wet playing in the creek. They’ve learned to throw a Frisbee and ride bikes and play with the neighborhood kids outside … til dark … you know, the “smearing Elmers glue all over the trampoline much to the moms chagrin” kind of fun. The kinds of things that teach them how to get along with others and develop their imaginations and physical strength and coordination. They are learning they can’t have everything they want, or more importantly to them what everyone else has. They can’t have what they see at the store because they are told it’s not in the budget because it’s not a necessity. Hopefully they are learning lessons of gratitude and compassion for the world as there are children in much worse … WAY worse situations and environments. My daughter has humbly accepted, with gratitude, hand me down baby clothes for Archer from a childhood friend who she hasn’t seen in years … mailed with love all the way from Atlanta, GA in perfect condition looking almost unused.

Amy learned growing up well off is never a guarantee for that same kind of future, after all no matter ones income today life can change on a dime tomorrow with that job loss or a serious illness or a catastrophic tragedy. Truth be told, this is the child that would rather be four wheeling in her jeans and cowboy boots growing up than be the debutante I forced her to be.

I know I taught her manners and I made her start working part-time at fifteen so she would develop a good work ethic for life. The financial struggle she’s experienced forced her to begin Clean 🐝 and she cleans people’s homes til her fingers bleed and she has bruises on her knees from crawling around in showers and cleaning baseboards. The days of professional haircuts and hair colors and pedicures and manicures are long gone. The days of getting that double chocolate brownie batter blizzard is to be forgotten. It’s $5 Little Caesars pizza instead of $12 Pizza Hut. She has experienced insomnia and depression and anxiety from sincere worry of how to pay the rent and how to keep the lights on and water too.

I recently relayed these struggles to my dad and stepmom only to let them know what was going on in their granddaughters life. My father asked could they qualify for Medicaid and was surprised to hear that they did not qualify. But they sure do qualify for love from me and Rod as their parents and protectors in life. We’ve carried through for essentials for sure.

And so I return to where I started this story. Is it morally wrong to take someone else’s trash and make it your treasure? Well, in a perfect world I would have taught my kids that is called stealing which isn’t just morally wrong but also illegal. In an imperfect world, I can say with all honesty though I can understand people being in such dire circumstances that they stand on a street corner holding signs that reads “Homeless .. please, I need food or any amount of money you could offer” as I saw on a recent trip to New Orleans. No, I don’t believe Amy’s circumstances are so dire she needs to stand on the street corner, but I do understand through her circumstances just how quickly life can change … by no fault of your own, simply because the cost of a barrel of oil is so low companies have to lay off fathers of two young children and a wife with anxiety. I am still having trouble agreeing with “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” but I have pondered why well to do people don’t recycle or refurbish or donate to charity or heck, find someone in their church or a homeless person on the street corner and give it to them. Is it morally wrong? I’m grappling with this. Oh I do know the answer but I’m grappling when I see people sleeping on the sidewalk in New Orleans dirty with holes in their shoes as someone places a dollar bill in the hand of the sleeping man while others live in mansions and throw away beautiful art and nice wooden chests and lamps and suitcases .. leaving perfectly non-trashy items on the side of the road for anyone less fortunate to be picked up …to make their home just a little bit more aesthetically pleasing, to erase ever so slightly the knowledge that one day your annual salary was $120,000 and the next it’s 0 and you thank God when you get that $30,000 per year job.

Life is a conundrum for sure. Let us never forget there is always going to be someone better off than us. And there is always going to be someone worse off as well. Most important let us be ever mindful that life can change in a heartbeat. Things don’t make us happy, of that I am certain. Gratitude my friends. Gratitude.

If you have been blessed to have much, thank God and lend a hand to someone. I have a daughter that is experiencing humility and gratitude. Not a bad thing, not a bad thing at all. Now if I can just convince her another persons trash really isn’t your treasure. Your treasure is when you lift your eyes heavenward and say thank you. Thank you God for what I DO have. Amen? Amen!