Although I try not to write too much about family, and actually I made a promise to my extended family that I would not, there is just some things that are too important not to be shared. At this time of year, I tend to get more sentimental than usual, and if I don’t let that out, it can turn into depression. There’s never a good time for depression, but it’s especially important to do all you can during the holidays to ensure you focus on the positive. For me, depression keeps my mind stuck in the past negative experiences and the hurt and pain that ensued. And here’s what I want to say …

Don’t go there.

I know some people are gonna resent that statement from me, after all, if you know anything about my superficial life, it might be easy to think I have no credibility on this topic. But I do. I’ve suffered with depression longer than I care or even need to admit. However perfect anyone’s life might appear to be, I am certain no one has a perfect life. Some people, however, have more blessings than others. I don’t know why, but I’m sure gonna ask God when I get to heaven!

Yes, I have been blessed with many material “things” but what I’ve learned, oh so painfully, is material things do not prevent or erase the loss of someone you deeply love. Nor does it make for perfect family dynamics and relationships. It doesn’t make you a better friend, a better wife, mother, or Christian. It sure doesn’t bring you good health if you are facing the prospect of death vs life in the case of a terminal illness.

These are what matter most.

I dearly love my family and friends and all the memories we have made together throughout the years. And I hope after I explain why, if you don’t already focus on the good and positive in the world, you will feel a little differently.

Several years ago, my youngest daughter, Mere, said what she appreciates and enjoys the most in life is … experiences. Not gifts (material things) but experiences. Somehow I never realized that about her. And then I thought back over her life and a few photos became vividly clear in my mind.

Experiences … wow! My journalism/art college majoring daughter loves experiences with the beauty of, and communing with, nature, experiencing music through concerts with her friends and traveling experiences throughout the world … Italy, France, Ireland and various places within the United States of America. How awesome!

And being a “squirrel” .. a name she lovingly gave to me .. meaning my mind kinda jumps around and all over the place, I started thinking about my own life and some of those similar experiences I have had and realized we are very much alike in these same ways …scenic travels in my “home” country, Germany (the place of my birth) as well as my home country, the USA, my love of flowers and birds, particularly hummingbirds, and my appreciation for lakes, rivers, mountains and pretty much any type of scenic view which seems to bring me closer to God and my soul.

And then there is family … my love for my family and the cohesiveness of my family is critical to my happiness. My husband, my children, grandchildren, my father and “Mama”, my brother, and all of my husband’s family. When things are out of sync with any of these people, I can easily slide toward depression. Ugh! My experiences with these people who are so very important to me are what creates positive, loving memories for me and those positive, loving thoughts and memories keep me in the present rather any past negative experiences of things I may have done to wrong any of them. In other words, I choose to focus on the good. And there is always good in this world. Even in the worst of circumstances … always.

Friends … so many friends throughout the years. So many wonderful, dear friends who have been there for me in the good and the bad times. Friends who know all about me and love me in spite of me. Friends who I have made lasting memories with that I so deeply cherish. Friends who have taught me that depression does not have to define me and for that very reason these people have lifted me out of despair more times than I even want to count.

And church … my faith helps me make sense of all the chaos in the world … in my own personal world as well as the actual physical world. I’ve made just as many memories through my church and in my church through the fellowship and prayers of choir and missions, only to name a few as ideas for anyone needing ideas of how I have fought depression. I promise you helping others helps you to see how bad the world is really hurting and how in helping others we take the focus off our own troubles, however horrible they may be, and it gives us a purpose for our life to assist in making others troubles feel a little, if only a little, bit better, even if it’s for a moment or two.

Family, friends, church …. make memories this holiday season. If you have nothing else to give as a gift, give the gift of yourself. Give the gift of spending time with others. It can be through travel, experiences with attending holiday musicals, a walk or drive through a park that’s been decorated in holiday fashion with twinkling lights or if nothing else … one of the best gifts of all that has no monetary cost … the gift of a smile or a word of encouragement … maybe, for example, to a young mom in the grocery whose toddler is having a meltdown over a piece of candy at the check out counter. Last year I slipped a Walmart cashier a twenty on Christmas Eve when asked what she would be doing for the holidays and she said she would be working because her family is not close and she didn’t have money to buy gifts for her child. No Christmas tree could ever light up like her face did.

Never will I ever forget my last Christmas with my mother after she had been diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor. Due to my depression, I missed out on celebrating life with her. I had the flu and could barely engage with family. Between the depression and the flu, I missed out on the opportunity to enjoy her smile and her joy of being with her brother and sister and grandchildren. I was just too focused on the fact that it would be my last Christmas with her. What a shame.

But here’s the good news … when the flu passed and the holiday, I managed to pull myself together and I made a promise to myself that instead of wallowing in what I was about to lose, I was gonna make the most out of every minute with her. I took her on picnics, I wheeled her in her wheelchair onto the beach because just like me, a scenic view gave her great peace and comfort. And that was no small feat for me since physical strength has never been my finest quality. I took her to her favorite places for lunch. We went on long drives down the river road where she saw the dolphins playing in the river. I served her lemon meringue pie every single evening before her meal because she decided if she was gonna die then one must always eat dessert first. I helped her labor with great difficulty trying to write letters of goodbye to her brother and sister. That was difficult for both of us. For her because the tumor was robbing her of her ability to think or write clearly. For me because it pained me to see someone I loved so dearly realize her mind and hands were failing her as well as having to say goodbye to her loved ones. But the most cherished memory I’ll ever have is something she said to me. “You have been the best daughter any mother could ever ask for.”

Yes, I have so many blessings and have had the wonderful ability to make so many wonderful memories with my family, friends and church, but depression can still rear it’s ugly little head and if it does, I’m gonna focus on all these lasting memories depicted in the above words and photos and I’m gonna focus on forging ahead to help someone else so that their holidays will be just a bit brighter and happier.

May the peace that passes understanding touch your heart and soul in some special way. Hoping for all who took the time to read this article that you make some special memories this holiday season. And when you do, cherish them. Life passes too quickly … more quickly for some than others. Make those memories and cherish them! God bless you all!