Hungry, so, so very hungry!

I can go all day long and not eat a thing when I’m home, but tell my stomach I won’t have access to food and suddenly you’d think I was a starving, malnourished, emaciated girl in a third world country.

Last week my husband and I were flying home from Georgia and he gets himself all situated in his seat – headphones, book, bottled tea and peanut M&M’s, all the while I am eyeing the flight attendant for “bread and water” (because you do know they hardly give you anything for your $400 airfare these days!)

The flight attendant … s l o w l y … makes her way down the aisle, and finally offers a choice of water or coffee, Cheez-It’s or Biscoff cookies. What a conundrum. I want both but I have to decide. Back and forth I go, and I can see the flight attendant is becoming a little annoyed when I put my finger on my cheek and say .. “Hmm, crackers or cookies? I just can’t decide because I like both.” Hint, hint.

We could have been at a stand-off for a while if I wasn’t ever so astute in reading people’s non-verbal body language, which can be both a blessing and a curse, I’ve found.

After a moment of consideration, I do decide on the crackers and water … see, I told ya it was gonna be bread and water, huh?

Then the flight attendant glances my husbands way for his selection and he shakes his head no. So I haul off and elbow him. Once again he shakes his head no .. even more emphatically.

Humph! Of course he doesn’t need Delta’s piddly, poor excuse for a snack since he’s munching on his $10 M&M’s and Gold Peak bottled tea!

Fast forward to our drive home, and I am trying to pick and choose my words carefully because he is in dire need of a “what for!”

“Honey, never, ever, under any circumstances refuse the snack. Like for real, never. I don’t care if you’ve purchased a three course meal prior to boarding an airplane, always take the snack.”

He begins to laugh … and of course, realizing how crazy I sound, so do I. That does not stop my diatribe, though. Okay, well, by definition diatribe means a forceful and bitter attack against someone or something, so maybe it’s not a diatribe. Oh, who am I kidding, absolutely a diatribe! Because don’t forget even fat cells get hungry and when the fat cells get hongry the missus gets hangry! And WHO refuses a measly 100 calorie bag of crackers .. essentially baked cheese .. by the way. Yummo!

The more I talk the more tickled we both get.

“Look, how do you know we not might need that water and snack before we reach our final destination?” I say. I mean one never knows what’s gonna happen, and although I am a wannabe Girl Scout, even I know one must be aware of their rations should there be an emergency.

And guess what “Christopher Columbus” replied? “I know, right, because we just might get caught in a snowstorm!”

I don’t even bother to look his way because after 38 years, I’m pretty sure he is giving me the eye roll.

We can’t stop laughing at my absurdity but that does not stop me from blurting out, “Look, you were sitting all fat, full and fine after a tea and candy and I’ve got an empty hole in my stomach!” Then I say, “Airfare is ridiculously overpriced so never, I repeat never, under any circumstances, refuse anything free, especially the snacks!”

The moral of this story is TAKE THE SNACK! You just never know when you’ll get caught in a snow storm.

Three weeks later my daughter flies home and guess what she brought me? The snack! (Biscoff cookies) Too funny but how I love that girl!